The Ten Steps That Make Transition Easier

Transition is a time of change and there are ten steps that are really good to be aware of when you know change is happening, whether it is change you have chosen, or you feel it has been foisted upon you.

Traffic Sign "New Life vs. Old Life"Changes show up in all kinds of ways – at work it can be promotion, redundancy, new team members, a move of buildings, new systems and structures, change in management, new regulations.

At home it can be children going to their first school, leaving home or getting married; one partner gets a new job; moving house; a new baby; divorce; moving countries; a change in health of any family member; death of a family member or friend; a change in diet.

Essentially, of course, we are going through changes continually. But they are often so small we only notice the big ones that have more of an impact.

Whatever change is happening for you right now, observing these 10 steps will help you negotiate the change more easily and smoothly.

  1. Take your time. Transitioning from one set of circumstances to another is a time of uncertainty. By definition you are no longer the person you were, and are not yet fully the person you are becoming. This is a process that takes time – so don’t push yourself, and let the process unfold all by itself.
  2. Arrange temporary structures
    Temporary structures will support Step 1. If you can, don’t make hasty decisions regarding your living accommodation, your job, or even your relationships. Creating stability or permanency may be desirable as a way of calming any anxiety that is raising its head, but it’s inappropriate right now. Instead, focus on calming down and releasing the anxiety or other concerns using techniques such as yoga, mindfulness practices, meditation, or creative pastimes.
  3. Don’t act for the sake of action
    When in transition, the mind (which is geared to your survival and safety at all costs) finds it very difficult not to take action. Nonetheless, action is likely to be inappropriate at this point. Take small steps rather than big ones if action is necessary; and discern whether you are acting because you are simply uncomfortable with your situation or whether it is really needed.
  4. Recognise and acknowledge why you are uncomfortable
    Be brutally honest with yourself about what is really going on. Tell the truth (to another person if that makes it easier) about what has happened and why you are in transition. The acknowledgement in itself will help lessen the discomfort.
  5. Take care of yourself in little ways
    Make a list of what little ways you like to take care of yourself. Print it out and pin up where you can easily see it. Make sure you do one of these ways each day.  Examples of ‘little ways’ could be:  candlelit baths, walking in the countryside, a nap during the day, going to bed earlier than usual, special foods, stopping work when you are tired, being creative, having your hair cut, a foot massage, meeting a friend for afternoon tea, listing what you have got in your life, rather than what you haven’t, choosing 5 things you are grateful for in your day at the end of each day, treating yourself to something you wouldn’t normally do.
  6. Explore the other side of change
    Be willing to explore all aspects of change, and its outcomes. Be brave and enter into scenarios (both positive and negative) about what this change may mean for you. Remember that this particular transition (especially if you don’t like it) may turn out to have hidden benefits.
  7. Get someone to talk to
    This means finding someone who will just listen. You don’t need their advice – you do need their non-judgmental, listening ears and heart. The old saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ has a lot of truth in it.  Professional help is even better – it is deliberately one-sided (ie the professional is supposed to just listen to you, there is no two-way exchange going on) so you can relax into taking all the time you need without feeling guilty or that you ‘should’ be listening to them.
  8. Find out what’s waiting in the wings of your life
    Explore gently what may be round the corner for you. Put on your big girl (or boy) pants and peep round the corner or into the wings of your life and imagine the best. Be open to opportunities. You could even decide to say ‘yes’ to whatever is proposed to you for a period of time, and see what happens. Try it for a day and see what happens.
  9. Use this transition as an impetus to a new kind of learning
    Take a step back from your life by writing about what has happened for you in the 3rd person. If writing is not your thing, then create a video or MP3 recording about it. The crucial thing is to use the third person (as in ‘What happened to (your name)….’ as opposed to ‘What happened to me…’) Doing this will enable you to see more clearly what is going on, to discover any common threads in it, or links to similar past events, and to get a new perspective about your life. Embrace the new kind of intelligence that is available to you when in transition.
  10. Recognise and understand that transition has a characteristic shape
    Transition

 

Jane Duncan Rogers helps individuals and groups manage changes better in their lives, so they can make the most of their situation. Visit her sites www.giftedbygrief.com and www.wildwisdom.co.uk for more inspiration, insight and wisdom.

 

Where’s The Energy Flowing? Follow That!

Stumble.

Struggle.

Effort.

Toil.

Trouble

Turmoil.

These words may be familiar to you, perhaps overly familiar. They usually are accompanied by sighs, frustration, tearing your hair out, wondering if you’re in the right ‘job’, and so on.

When this is happening, you are going against the flow.

Waterfall Kamienczyk in Karkonosze in Poland

That’s a common phrase, but let’s look at it in a bit more depth. Flow is what happens when you turn the tap on. It’s what happens when you see a river (unless it is a stagnant river, in which case that’s another story). It’s what happens when a volcano erupts and lava pours down the mountainside.

It is a natural occurrence and it happens easily.  If something gets in the way, then the matter that is flowing simply finds a way around the blockage – it doesn’t stop flowing.

This applies to energy too. If you are involved in any of the healing modalities you will know this. Blockages in the natural flow of energy in the body cause problems, just like a piece of wood in the river. It causes something else to happen, other than a straightforward flow.

Flow can happen in your work too. You’ve probably experienced it – when things just seem to happen easily. Or synchronous events occur to support the flow.  It’s not even that exciting when flow is happening. It just is the way it is.

So when my coach said to me in our last session ‘Where is the energy flowing? Follow that!’  I paid attention. Because anything else is going to be trying to push against the river; trying to stop the flow of water out of the tap, let alone the flow of lava.

You’ll know this already, very likely, from common statements like ‘go with the flow’. But have you ever thought about it the other way round? Like – where is the flow happening?  Can I follow that, if I am not already?

This has been up for me recently, when it finally dawned that energy was flowing around friends or colleagues asking me how I wrote Gifted By Grief, and how I am getting it out there.  It was only after the 5th person had contacted me, and then asked for some coaching, that I finally got the message – this is where the energy is flowing! And my job is to follow that.

So ponder these questions for yourself:

  1. Where is the energy flowing in your life and work?
  2. Is it in what you are currently doing, or is it in some other place or manner?
  3. How do you feel about where it is flowing?
  4. Can you follow that?

And here’s a call to all budding or wannabe writers – if you’d like to have a conversation about how to get your book done/out there/marketed better/sold, then email me now using the contact form. I’ll get back to you pronto and we’ll see what the energy is saying!

What happens when you just say ‘yes’.

8.30am on a Sunday morning  – who could be ringing me at that time? Even though I’d been awake for ages, writing, it was still very early on Easter Sunday for the phone to be ringing and I was still in bed.

‘Are you going to the Easter Taize singing? I need a lift as my car is still in the garage,’ explained my friend Dorota, when I picked up the phone.

‘No, but hang on a minute while I think’, I said. Knowing I had to be at the Findhorn Foundation Community Centre later that morning, I decided to change my plans.

‘I’ll give you a lift there. I can carry on writing while I’m waiting for the person I’m meeting later on.’ Dorota was delighted, and I jumped out of bed and headed for the shower.  Twenty minutes later and I arrived at her house, to see her breakfast table beautifully laid with Easter eggs, a yellow set of crockery, and Easter chicks on the multi-coloured paper napkins.  Her family would be celebrating with a late brunch.

‘Can we go and pick up Emily from Newbold House first?’ Dorota smiled and off we drove there, picking up yet another woman on the way who wanted a lift into town to catch a bus.

On arrival at the Community Centre, Dorota and her friend went upstairs to join in the singing. I sat down in the warm sunshine and picked up on my writing where I had left off.

Why am I telling you all this? Because in the space of changing my mind about my plans by just saying yes to a request, here’s what happened:

  • I got to serve 3 others by giving them a lift
  • I was able to sit in the sunshine writing, instead of my room at home which wasn’t in the sunlight
  • I bumped into 3 people I knew, two whom I offered to help with their projects
  • I had an inspiring and delightful walk in the dunes with another friend, Joy
  • I was offered a forsythia bush free for my garden
  • I lay in the sunshine on a bench while waiting for Joy
  • I received specific and very helpful feedback from Dorota about the writing I had just completed

What were my plans before I said ‘yes’? To sit at home, writing, until I met Joy at 11.30.  Instead, I acted on my intuition and look at the lovely experiences I had!

Still, here’s the real secret. It wasn’t the experiences that made me feel happy; it wasn’t the friends; nor was it even the sunshine!  Happiness was already present, already flowing through these different events; and it was because I wasn’t attached to what was going to happen that Easter Sunday morning.

When you aren’t attached, then anything that happens is okay.

Can you think of a time when you said yes and things turned out beautifully? Can you remember a time you weren’t attached to how an event would turn out, and ended up enjoying yourself? Tell me your stories by clicking on the comment icon at the top right of this post. I love hearing what you have to say!

FOMO – the disease that creeps up on you unawares…

Anxiously fiddling with my ring, I looked at my watch.

‘What do you think they’re doing?’ I asked my friend.  We’d both been in a conference session and had left mid-way, having got a bit bored.

‘I don’t know. But I do know we are suffering from FOMO,’ she replied, with a giggle.

‘FOMO?  What’s that?’

‘Fear Of Missing Out!’ and she laughed. So did I. It’s so pervasive, this particular disease.

I’m sure you’ll know what I mean. How often have you sat through something thinking you ‘ought’ to be there, that it’ll ‘get better soon’, or that you just wish you were somewhere different?

IMG_0319Or maybe there’s several options open re a decision; or more than one invitation made to you.  The mind goes back and forth re what to do, if anything, and frets away at what you might be missing out on.

‘If you don’t do X then you’ll be behind everyone else’ it warns.

‘I can’t do everything, so how on earth do I know what will be best for me?’  What a dilemma!

‘I might miss the one crucial piece of information – the missing secret to life!   That would be so awful’.

And on and on it goes.  This is FOMO in action.

It can take different forms too, such as a tapping foot, an air of distraction, a nervous tummy.  All of them are symptoms that you have contracted FOMO and need to take an antidote, and quickly.

So what is the antidote, and where do you find it?

It’s called Triple A, and it’s always with you, though sometimes apparently in hiding.  There’s 3 parts to the Triple A antidote:

  1. Awareness (that you’ve got FOMO in the first place – this is essential)
  2. Acceptance (having been aware, you don’t try to push FOMO away, ignore it or even be judgmental – you simply notice it’s presence )
  3. Aaaaahhhhh (you breathe deeply, and have a little giggle at yourself)

Each of this pieces is crucial (and the giggle perhaps the most!)

Awareness, because without knowing you’ve caught the disease, there’s nothing you can do about it.

Acceptance, because anything other means you are still caught in the tentacles of FOMO, one of the components of which is self-critical thoughts.

And Aaaahhhh, because without the giggle and the conscious breath, you are in grave danger of a fourth ‘A’, which is …

Analysing it!

Spiritual seekers in particular beware of this – it’s so easy to get caught out at the acceptance part of the Triple A and move into Analysis without realizing it.  When in fact the only action at this stage is to apply the Aaaahhh, and STOP doing it!

Just stop.

Steer your mind away from what you think you will be missing out on, and simply trust that where you are, what you’re doing, how you’re feeling is perfectly fine, just as it is.

And this is the state that emerging from FOMO gives you – a chance to put into practice the choice to stay on the path of anxiety, worry and fear – or to switch directions and veer onto the path of giggles, self-love and freedom.

So watch out – FOMO comes in many disguises, it’s prevalent amongst society today, and it keeps you stuck!  Make sure you have plenty of the antidote handy for when an attack comes along.

Love Jane

PS I’m going to give you a chance to watch FOMO in action!  The Radical Income Welcome Toolkit is an amazing bag of tools to help you welcome more income into your life. Check it out here and see if you get FOMO or not. And if you do, apply the antidote, and then make a decision from a place of freedom as to whether or not you’re interested in getting the Toolkit. Yes, this IS a radical method of selling, but then that’s what Wild Wisdom is all about.

How exactly your body language affects your business.

 

First of all, thanks to everyone who signed up for my Wild Wealth Pilot Programme!  We have just started – if you missed it and want to join in you can, for just the next few days. Sign up here.

Now, what was I doing standing outside a seminar room this week, with my hands on my hips, breathing deeply?  I was practicing a new technique, before entering to practice a pitch to a roomful of entrepreneurial women in Inverness, with a new organization, Investing Women.

Bonnie Clarke of Badenoch and Clark was one of the speakers on the seminar and told us about my gift to you today – this inspiring video by Amy Cuddy. It’s a TED talk, 20 minutes to watch, and it will change your perception of yourself, change how you present yourself, and change your life – if you let it!

So even if you think you haven’t got 20 minutes to watch it right now – I dare you to take the time anyway, it will be worth it!  (And then you can practice how it feels to stand with your hands on your hips for 2 minutes and see what happens!)

Let me know what you think – leave your comments below.