This is one that everyone does, sometimes more often than not. It’s time to stop! Don’t even bother to change them – just notice it’s happening, and then stop. Here’s an example of how to do just that.
Joy says, ‘Oh no, I’ll never be able to be as good as X over there’. She’s telling a story called ‘Comparing myself with others’. The thing is, it’s only a story, and a story is made up – made up by the mind which wants to keep you in your place. The comparing story is a very good way of doing that, because whether you are winning (ie better than your colleague) or losing (worse than your colleague) both are the opposite sides of the same coin. So you’ll never get to the end of this particular story, as it just goes round and round. So stop ‘reading’ that story! Start another one, if you must, but this time make it a more positive one. Better still, drop the stories completely and start dropping into who you really are beneath all the stories. That’s the source of your own wild wisdom.
2. Running over time on your sessions
This can either be you being generous or valuing yourself too little, depending on where you are coming from. There’s a very fine line! If you suspect you’re someone who runs over because you find holding boundaries difficult, then it’s your feelings of self-worth that are getting in the way. Practice holding boundaries in all kinds of situations and just notice what comes up to challenge you. And expect to be challenged – when boundaries are newly set there will always be someone coming along to test them, so that you get the chance to hold the boundary and grow. If you’re not being clear about boundaries, then you are doing a disservice to your clients and customers as well as yourself. It doesn’t mean they can’t be ignored sometimes – but then that is a conscious choice, not just something that ‘happened’.
Yes, this is a reflection of your self-worth too. Pay attention to all the justifications you have for charging whatever you do. They are just beliefs, can be changed or let go of, and you can start to earn more money while working less if you really get clear on this. Hint – charging what everyone else is charging is quite possibly another way of undercharging too, ‘cos how do you know if everyone else is valuing what they offer or not? What used to amaze me when I was running my Clinic was how the hypnotherapists would be charging £60 an hour (this is back in the late 90’s) and the Alexander Technique teachers would be charging £25 an hour. Why? Who could say that one was more valuable than the other? It’s up to you to decide – and grow into a price that reflects the true value you give people.
4. Ignoring Your Money
This really is an action of disrespect – to yourself, your business and money itself. And only someone who doesn’t value themselves very highly does disrespectful things. (OK, this is not about being perfect, just about doing the best you can!) If you’re ignoring either your expenses or your income, then stop that and start to get interested in what is coming in and going out, while feeling OK about it. You don’t need to feel good to start with, just appreciate what you do have coming in, and appreciate that fact that you can pay what you can when it’s going out. Money is meant to flow remember, and your attention as to where it flows is a mark of respect for yourself and the money. Plus as you monitor things more and more you’ll see in advance what needs to be done when, to take you where you are going, or to help you make the most of an opportunity. Very handy!
5. Tolerating anything!
What are you currently just tolerating in your life? What are you just putting up with because you think it‘s necessary. When I first asked myself this question it was really clear I was tolerating a slightly dirty house because I don’t like cleaning it myself and so I just didn’t do it! Which meant I was tolerating more dust than I like, more bits on the carpet, more mess than works for me. So I got someone to come and clean fortnightly, despite the thoughts of ‘not enough money, not OK to have someone to do this just for me, I have plenty of time to do it myself’ and so on. And what happened was that on their first day, I realized that while they were cleaning, I was creating a programme that would ultimately be bringing in much more money than I would pay out on the cleaning. A lesson, or what! But I had to value myself enough to make that move. So ask yourself where you are just being tolerant of a situation – it’s not that bad, but it’s not that good either, and see where you can increase your self-worth – and ultimately your bank balance.