The Ten Steps That Make Transition Easier

Transition is a time of change and there are ten steps that are really good to be aware of when you know change is happening, whether it is change you have chosen, or you feel it has been foisted upon you.

Traffic Sign "New Life vs. Old Life"Changes show up in all kinds of ways – at work it can be promotion, redundancy, new team members, a move of buildings, new systems and structures, change in management, new regulations.

At home it can be children going to their first school, leaving home or getting married; one partner gets a new job; moving house; a new baby; divorce; moving countries; a change in health of any family member; death of a family member or friend; a change in diet.

Essentially, of course, we are going through changes continually. But they are often so small we only notice the big ones that have more of an impact.

Whatever change is happening for you right now, observing these 10 steps will help you negotiate the change more easily and smoothly.

  1. Take your time. Transitioning from one set of circumstances to another is a time of uncertainty. By definition you are no longer the person you were, and are not yet fully the person you are becoming. This is a process that takes time – so don’t push yourself, and let the process unfold all by itself.
  2. Arrange temporary structures
    Temporary structures will support Step 1. If you can, don’t make hasty decisions regarding your living accommodation, your job, or even your relationships. Creating stability or permanency may be desirable as a way of calming any anxiety that is raising its head, but it’s inappropriate right now. Instead, focus on calming down and releasing the anxiety or other concerns using techniques such as yoga, mindfulness practices, meditation, or creative pastimes.
  3. Don’t act for the sake of action
    When in transition, the mind (which is geared to your survival and safety at all costs) finds it very difficult not to take action. Nonetheless, action is likely to be inappropriate at this point. Take small steps rather than big ones if action is necessary; and discern whether you are acting because you are simply uncomfortable with your situation or whether it is really needed.
  4. Recognise and acknowledge why you are uncomfortable
    Be brutally honest with yourself about what is really going on. Tell the truth (to another person if that makes it easier) about what has happened and why you are in transition. The acknowledgement in itself will help lessen the discomfort.
  5. Take care of yourself in little ways
    Make a list of what little ways you like to take care of yourself. Print it out and pin up where you can easily see it. Make sure you do one of these ways each day.  Examples of ‘little ways’ could be:  candlelit baths, walking in the countryside, a nap during the day, going to bed earlier than usual, special foods, stopping work when you are tired, being creative, having your hair cut, a foot massage, meeting a friend for afternoon tea, listing what you have got in your life, rather than what you haven’t, choosing 5 things you are grateful for in your day at the end of each day, treating yourself to something you wouldn’t normally do.
  6. Explore the other side of change
    Be willing to explore all aspects of change, and its outcomes. Be brave and enter into scenarios (both positive and negative) about what this change may mean for you. Remember that this particular transition (especially if you don’t like it) may turn out to have hidden benefits.
  7. Get someone to talk to
    This means finding someone who will just listen. You don’t need their advice – you do need their non-judgmental, listening ears and heart. The old saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ has a lot of truth in it.  Professional help is even better – it is deliberately one-sided (ie the professional is supposed to just listen to you, there is no two-way exchange going on) so you can relax into taking all the time you need without feeling guilty or that you ‘should’ be listening to them.
  8. Find out what’s waiting in the wings of your life
    Explore gently what may be round the corner for you. Put on your big girl (or boy) pants and peep round the corner or into the wings of your life and imagine the best. Be open to opportunities. You could even decide to say ‘yes’ to whatever is proposed to you for a period of time, and see what happens. Try it for a day and see what happens.
  9. Use this transition as an impetus to a new kind of learning
    Take a step back from your life by writing about what has happened for you in the 3rd person. If writing is not your thing, then create a video or MP3 recording about it. The crucial thing is to use the third person (as in ‘What happened to (your name)….’ as opposed to ‘What happened to me…’) Doing this will enable you to see more clearly what is going on, to discover any common threads in it, or links to similar past events, and to get a new perspective about your life. Embrace the new kind of intelligence that is available to you when in transition.
  10. Recognise and understand that transition has a characteristic shape
    Transition

 

Jane Duncan Rogers helps individuals and groups manage changes better in their lives, so they can make the most of their situation. Visit her sites www.giftedbygrief.com and www.wildwisdom.co.uk for more inspiration, insight and wisdom.

 

The Magic of The Wrong Way Round

When you sleep you let go; you can’t help it, it’s just what happens. In this place of letting go, magic can breathe and thus create; that’s why people say ‘sleep on it’, or ‘things will look different in the morning’.

And it’s true, they often do. Not just because you are physically rested, but because in the space that occurs when the brain rests, there is an opportunity for the wiser wisdom of the universe to make itself known to you.

That’s how Wild Wisdom was born – awake early one morning I heard the words ‘wise and cheeky wisdom’ going round and round in my head, and I just knew they would somehow be important to my life and business.

It happened again this morning too. This time the words were: ‘look at everything upside down and then watch for changes’.

Aha!

This means you often do not need to make changes yourself. Simply turn around how you are looking at a situation and any change that needs to happen will occur of its own volition.

Having been someone who liked to be in control, who prided herself on doing what needed to be done (both internally and externally), I was literally stopped in my tracks when I discovered in 1995 it was not going to be easy to have children.

True, I had married a man who had had a vasectomy many years previously. True, I was ambivalent about having children anyway. True, that meant I wasn’t clear about what I wanted.

But also true was the fact that my late husband did have a vasectomy reversal, which worked, but two months later the tests showed no evidence of sperm whatsoever. They weren’t just weak, or in small numbers – they simply did not exist.

It was a terrible shock – choosing not to have a child, and not actually being able to have one are two very different things.  After some time of working through the grief, I realized I was beginning to get fed up with ‘trying to make things happen’ – even if you are doing it the ‘manifesting’ or ‘law of attraction’ way.

It looked like the change that needed to happen was that I did everything artificially possible to have a child (and I did look into those options). Certainly this is the method that is promoted in the West, at least.

But what I actually changed was how I thought about the situation. With much supportive help from my therapist at the time, and the I Ching, I turned my thinking on it’s head.  I discovered an open door to a room that contained thoughts such as ‘maybe I’ve unconsciously chosen a man who can’t have children as a reflection of my own ambivalence’ , ‘perhaps there are benefits in having no children’, and ‘who am I to interfere with nature?’

The willingness to go against the grain, to look at childlessness the ‘wrong’ way round, to create some breathing space for new ideas and thoughts about having children was indeed magical. That was wild wisdom being present, and allowed me to come to terms with never being a member of the Mothers Club.

There have been many other times since when I’ve used this kind of back-to-front thinking fruitfully, so what current situation in your life could benefit from a different perspective?  Once you’ve identified this, experiment with how you could use the I-Ching, or apply your own form of Wild Wisdom, and watch to see what happens!

If you’d like some help in that regard, then email me direct to apply for one of my free, 45 minute, Wild Wisdom Discovery Sessions (worth £250) and together we will discover what wants to be heard, seen, expressed in your own situation so you can view it differently and move forward gracefully and with ease.

3 hidden home truths about business that hardly anyone talks about

  1. Just because you have a very professional looking website does not mean you are financially successful.

    Not at all, in fact!  I know several people who have fabulous websites and are just scraping by, and some who have pretty ordinary websites, even boring, but are making plenty of money.  Moral: when designing your website, make sure you have all the critical components but don’t spend hours trying to get it ‘right’. Better to apply the maxim ‘done is better than perfect’ (especially as there is no ‘right’ or ‘perfect’ to get).

  2. When someone tells you it will work because it worked for them – the truth is, it might!  And it might not.

    What works for one person does not necessarily work for even one other person. Even if they do exactly what they have been told. Think about it – how on earth can it?  No two minds are alike.  You cannot know what is going on in the mind of another, so regardless of what someone else says (including me) how can you guarantee the results that person can get?

    On the matter of guarantees – many business owners/websites will guarantee results or your money back. Some will give it, some won’t.   They may indeed feel very confident about their product, so confident that they are happy to give money back. But let’s be clear, what’s really going on here is that any concerns you have about paying for the product are being addressed, so that you will buy it.  A guarantee simply helps to make you feel safe, which makes it easier to buy.

  3. Setting goals is not the be-all and end-all.

    It has been proven statistically for a long time now that if you set a goal you are more likely to reach it. For example, when you think about travelling somewhere, that is true. Unless you deliberately set off without any knowledge of where you want to end up, in which case you’re not playing the goal-setting game, then you will by default have chosen a goal. Buy a train ticket to Inverness and you have your goal – to arrive in Inverness.

    However with a business, goals tend to be along the lines of ‘I want 10 more clients’ or ‘My goal is to increase sales by 25%.  Clear, well defined, albeit without a date, which usually goal aficionados ask you also to set.   This is all based on encouraging you to keep taking regular actions which will enable you to arrive at your goal. And there’s nothing wrong with any of this – unless you are not enjoying the process, or discover when you get your goal that actually it’s not quite what it was made out to be.   If that’s what’s happening, then stop playing the goal-setting game. See what happens when you just turn up in life and your business instead. (Yes, that is the extreme opposite, and I don’t necessarily advocate that, but it is interesting to play with this!)  Usually I invite people to set an Intention-Direction (ID) instead.
    You can read more about them here.

    Enjoy!

What Do You Do When Nothing You Do Works?

SAM_0590 copyDecide and Do, or Allow and Be?

On first look, this question appears to be simple – if you make a decision and take action on it, then the thing you want will happen. Simple. Easy.  Just do it, as Richard Branson would say.

And of course there is truth in that.

However, what do you do when nothing you do works?  What do you do when no matter what everyone else says, no matter what strategies you have pursued, no matter the amount of time and energy you’ve put into something, it still isn’t working as it’s supposed to?

Do you:

  • Beat yourself up?
  • Think there must something wrong with you?
  • Wonder how the rest of the world manages it and you can’t?
  • Just keep plodding on but with a very heavy heart?
  • Want to just run away to an island and lead a much simpler life?

I’ve wanted to do all of these from time to time, but needless to say, these thoughts are not very helpful on top of what is already probably a situation you are finding stressful!

This has happened to me lately, and I watched the mind stuck with thoughts like these.   (Well, not watching all the time, cos sometimes I was so stuck I felt like the thoughts really were true, and there WAS something wrong with me, the rest of the world HAD got it, and I hadn’t).

Now I write that here of course it’s obvious it’s mad, but at the time of being immersed in these thoughts it feels very real. I’m sure you know what I mean J

This was all happening because of various things behind the scenes with my new Wild Wisdom Inner Circle programme.

And finally it came to a head – when nothing you’re doing works, it’s a REALLY GOOD IDEA to stop doing!

Aha!  How very simple is that! And yet, is it?  Mostly what people do is continue trying to do, just slightly different things. Sometimes that does work, and sometimes it doesn’t.

But when you really have come to the end of your tether, allowing and being gets a chance to finally shine through.

And then it becomes obvious  –  stopping doing (activity which is guaranteed to deflect you from what is actually going on) and starting being (might still look like doing, but is actually happening from a very different place) is what is being asked of you.

However being is much more challenging to the mind which says things in horror, like:

  • You can’t just spend time doing what you love and not what needs to be done!
  • How dare you think you can take time off just when you need to knuckle down and work even harder!

And

  • I can’t stop, I’ll feel too guilty if I do.

But – what if life itself is requiring you to stop, or slow down, or do something entirely different?

What if life wants to go one way, and you are impeding that?

What if a message is trying to come through, except you can’t receive it because you’re so busy trying to make something happen?

This is Wild Wisdom – and it’s what I need to practice, and often do, every single day!  So just ask yourself that question beginning with ‘What if…?’ right now.

What if … you did something completely different?

What if … you just sat down and closed your eyes, breathed deeply and waited?

What if… you didn’t know what you thought ought to happen – what would you do then?

If you find this an article that you resonate with, and you’d like to talk to me more about it, or any other aspect of your business, then email me to set up a free Spirit in Business Strategy Session, where we’ll look at what your needs really are, and how to resolve them.

And If you’d like to know more about the place you can address these kind of challenges in a group, then check out the Wild Wisdom Inner Circle  here (the first call is on 19th June, so click now!)

Or – don’t do anything. Just be with the impact of what you have read and see what feels like the next best step for you to take.  Then take it!