The Ten Steps That Make Transition Easier

Transition is a time of change and there are ten steps that are really good to be aware of when you know change is happening, whether it is change you have chosen, or you feel it has been foisted upon you.

Traffic Sign "New Life vs. Old Life"Changes show up in all kinds of ways – at work it can be promotion, redundancy, new team members, a move of buildings, new systems and structures, change in management, new regulations.

At home it can be children going to their first school, leaving home or getting married; one partner gets a new job; moving house; a new baby; divorce; moving countries; a change in health of any family member; death of a family member or friend; a change in diet.

Essentially, of course, we are going through changes continually. But they are often so small we only notice the big ones that have more of an impact.

Whatever change is happening for you right now, observing these 10 steps will help you negotiate the change more easily and smoothly.

  1. Take your time. Transitioning from one set of circumstances to another is a time of uncertainty. By definition you are no longer the person you were, and are not yet fully the person you are becoming. This is a process that takes time – so don’t push yourself, and let the process unfold all by itself.
  2. Arrange temporary structures
    Temporary structures will support Step 1. If you can, don’t make hasty decisions regarding your living accommodation, your job, or even your relationships. Creating stability or permanency may be desirable as a way of calming any anxiety that is raising its head, but it’s inappropriate right now. Instead, focus on calming down and releasing the anxiety or other concerns using techniques such as yoga, mindfulness practices, meditation, or creative pastimes.
  3. Don’t act for the sake of action
    When in transition, the mind (which is geared to your survival and safety at all costs) finds it very difficult not to take action. Nonetheless, action is likely to be inappropriate at this point. Take small steps rather than big ones if action is necessary; and discern whether you are acting because you are simply uncomfortable with your situation or whether it is really needed.
  4. Recognise and acknowledge why you are uncomfortable
    Be brutally honest with yourself about what is really going on. Tell the truth (to another person if that makes it easier) about what has happened and why you are in transition. The acknowledgement in itself will help lessen the discomfort.
  5. Take care of yourself in little ways
    Make a list of what little ways you like to take care of yourself. Print it out and pin up where you can easily see it. Make sure you do one of these ways each day.  Examples of ‘little ways’ could be:  candlelit baths, walking in the countryside, a nap during the day, going to bed earlier than usual, special foods, stopping work when you are tired, being creative, having your hair cut, a foot massage, meeting a friend for afternoon tea, listing what you have got in your life, rather than what you haven’t, choosing 5 things you are grateful for in your day at the end of each day, treating yourself to something you wouldn’t normally do.
  6. Explore the other side of change
    Be willing to explore all aspects of change, and its outcomes. Be brave and enter into scenarios (both positive and negative) about what this change may mean for you. Remember that this particular transition (especially if you don’t like it) may turn out to have hidden benefits.
  7. Get someone to talk to
    This means finding someone who will just listen. You don’t need their advice – you do need their non-judgmental, listening ears and heart. The old saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ has a lot of truth in it.  Professional help is even better – it is deliberately one-sided (ie the professional is supposed to just listen to you, there is no two-way exchange going on) so you can relax into taking all the time you need without feeling guilty or that you ‘should’ be listening to them.
  8. Find out what’s waiting in the wings of your life
    Explore gently what may be round the corner for you. Put on your big girl (or boy) pants and peep round the corner or into the wings of your life and imagine the best. Be open to opportunities. You could even decide to say ‘yes’ to whatever is proposed to you for a period of time, and see what happens. Try it for a day and see what happens.
  9. Use this transition as an impetus to a new kind of learning
    Take a step back from your life by writing about what has happened for you in the 3rd person. If writing is not your thing, then create a video or MP3 recording about it. The crucial thing is to use the third person (as in ‘What happened to (your name)….’ as opposed to ‘What happened to me…’) Doing this will enable you to see more clearly what is going on, to discover any common threads in it, or links to similar past events, and to get a new perspective about your life. Embrace the new kind of intelligence that is available to you when in transition.
  10. Recognise and understand that transition has a characteristic shape
    Transition

 

Jane Duncan Rogers helps individuals and groups manage changes better in their lives, so they can make the most of their situation. Visit her sites www.giftedbygrief.com and www.wildwisdom.co.uk for more inspiration, insight and wisdom.

 

Where’s The Energy Flowing? Follow That!

Stumble.

Struggle.

Effort.

Toil.

Trouble

Turmoil.

These words may be familiar to you, perhaps overly familiar. They usually are accompanied by sighs, frustration, tearing your hair out, wondering if you’re in the right ‘job’, and so on.

When this is happening, you are going against the flow.

Waterfall Kamienczyk in Karkonosze in Poland

That’s a common phrase, but let’s look at it in a bit more depth. Flow is what happens when you turn the tap on. It’s what happens when you see a river (unless it is a stagnant river, in which case that’s another story). It’s what happens when a volcano erupts and lava pours down the mountainside.

It is a natural occurrence and it happens easily.  If something gets in the way, then the matter that is flowing simply finds a way around the blockage – it doesn’t stop flowing.

This applies to energy too. If you are involved in any of the healing modalities you will know this. Blockages in the natural flow of energy in the body cause problems, just like a piece of wood in the river. It causes something else to happen, other than a straightforward flow.

Flow can happen in your work too. You’ve probably experienced it – when things just seem to happen easily. Or synchronous events occur to support the flow.  It’s not even that exciting when flow is happening. It just is the way it is.

So when my coach said to me in our last session ‘Where is the energy flowing? Follow that!’  I paid attention. Because anything else is going to be trying to push against the river; trying to stop the flow of water out of the tap, let alone the flow of lava.

You’ll know this already, very likely, from common statements like ‘go with the flow’. But have you ever thought about it the other way round? Like – where is the flow happening?  Can I follow that, if I am not already?

This has been up for me recently, when it finally dawned that energy was flowing around friends or colleagues asking me how I wrote Gifted By Grief, and how I am getting it out there.  It was only after the 5th person had contacted me, and then asked for some coaching, that I finally got the message – this is where the energy is flowing! And my job is to follow that.

So ponder these questions for yourself:

  1. Where is the energy flowing in your life and work?
  2. Is it in what you are currently doing, or is it in some other place or manner?
  3. How do you feel about where it is flowing?
  4. Can you follow that?

And here’s a call to all budding or wannabe writers – if you’d like to have a conversation about how to get your book done/out there/marketed better/sold, then email me now using the contact form. I’ll get back to you pronto and we’ll see what the energy is saying!

Work Less, You’ll Get More Done. Honestly!

‘I’ll never get it all done in time!’ The words of someone under stress, harried and flustered. Very common, in all walks of life, not just work. It seems that the word ‘stress’ as in ‘I’m so stressed’ and ‘It’s so stressful’ have become a normal way of speaking and thinking. But what to do if you agree with these statements? Is it really possible to be less stressed AND get more done?

I know that it is, because it has happened for me. Since my husband’s death, which stopped me completely in my tracks, I was forced to find another way to work. I had no choice.

Hopefully you won’t be in that situation. Hopefully you won’t have to wait until a major life circumstance hits and you are forced to make changes.  Here’s 3 tips on how to do less but get more done.

  1. Stop thinking that stress is the problem.

Yes you may very well be facing difficult circumstances. It’s how you meet those that make them more or less stressful though.

Stress is just another word to which we have given too much power. You can lessen it’s power by remembering that how stressed you feel is actually down to how you meet your circumstances.  This is a turnaround, and definitely one of the attributes of Wild Wisdom!  So it’s not that there’s a stressful situation out there – situations are just what they are. Some are more intense than others of course, some are more challenging, but you can considerably lessen how stressful they are by thinking about them in different ways. For instance, if you’ve got a lot to get done on a day, re-prioritise. There is usually very little indeed that needs to be done by a certain time; it’s just that we get attached to a plan, or are trying to be efficient, or fit too many things in.

  1. Be willing to act on inspiration. When the muse takes you, even if you can’t do anything about it in that moment, make a note (verbal or written) of something that will remind you of it, so you can come to it later.  The reason this is important is because when you create from an inspired place, it always takes less time. (You can read here http://wildwisdom.co.uk/inspired-action-motivated-action/ more about the difference between inspired action and motivated action).

It takes practice to discover this, but here’s a story to inspire you. I had the idea just recently of creating a gift to give away to readers of my new book. The idea of it popped into my head (Grief Support Statement), I took action immediately and the content just poured out with ease. The whole thing took about half an hour, including formatting it.

  1. Set yourself a time limit and focus on the task for that time only. By doing this you’re creating a container within which your creativity can be safely unleashed. Once you’ve set the time, and are clear what the task is, take a few moments to settle in your chair. Close your eyes; let the edges of your body soften; notice your breathing. Relax. Then start your doing. This is the practical application of my mantra Stop. Be Still. Listen. And Only Then Act. When you do this, you’re opening the channels for flow to happen more easily, and when things are flowing they of course take less time.

If the back to front thinking in this article is proving hard for you to actually put into practice, and if you really WANT to work less, but produce more, then contact me.

August, traditionally a month of holidays, is not a holiday for me. Instead, I’m here to help you. 🙂 Email me with the answer to this question:

What is it about getting work done that is the most challenging for me?

And I’ll contact you to set up a time for a free Wild Wisdom conversation.

How teamwork is the trick to getting things done

I'll do it.‘If I want something done well, it’s best to do it myself.’

‘I’m the best person for the job; trouble is, I’m the best person for every job!’

‘It takes too long to show someone else to do; I might as well do it myself.’

If you’ve ever heard yourself saying any of these, then it may be time to reconsider, as in uttering these words you are guaranteed to be creating a hard time for yourself.  It’s understandable – as a professional, you know your work inside out, and no doubt you are proud of the brilliant service you offer others.

But if you want to include freedom, fun and balance in your life, then you’ll have to rethink these kinds of statements.

I was reminded last night of the power of contribution and community while watching a TV programme. A UK family had travelled from the UK to Chile, and were building their own home in the middle of nowhere, an hour’s drive from the nearest small shop.  They really were doing it all themselves, as well – no building contractors, no plumbers or electricians or carpenters. Just themselves, some books and  – well, yes they did have help, actually. They couldn’t in the end do it all alone.

The help came in the form of neighbours, and cattle. Cattle to drag the trees that had been chopped down to make one of the roofs. A neighbour whose work is felling trees for building; another neighbour who hunts the wild boar to make a living; and a final man who acted as a guide for the visiting TV presenter.

It got me thinking about how easy it is to think, as a solo professional, that you are working alone, and that you are the only one who can do what you do. While that is of course possible, it’s not how the best businesses are built. Those, no matter what size, come about with teamwork – when a team of people get together to create, inspire and implement.

It means you have to be willing to delegate (tasks that others can do); dream (into what you truly want, and then go for that); and reach out for help that you maybe secretly know you need.

I have both my brothers who work for me on the website and other IT needs; my coach, who helps me focus on the next steps; my various Facebook groups who are usually up for giving a bit of advice; and both my mastermind groups, where I can both give and receive help. Plus I have an accountant, who is always available should I need his advice.

I love knowing that someone else is working on my business, at the same time as I am. If you’ve never tried this, I recommend it!

We all, in essence, work better, more satisfyingly and productively when we work together. Plus, it’s much more fun!  Do you have a group of people with whom you work? Who are they, and what do you do for each other?  Share in the comments section and let me know!

If you’d like to discover how having me on your team will help you get clear on where you are going, holding your hand along the way, and supporting you to live your highest life possible, then email me direct and we can explore that in a complimentary Wild Wisdom Session. Reach out, in other words, and ask for help!

The Magic of The Wrong Way Round

When you sleep you let go; you can’t help it, it’s just what happens. In this place of letting go, magic can breathe and thus create; that’s why people say ‘sleep on it’, or ‘things will look different in the morning’.

And it’s true, they often do. Not just because you are physically rested, but because in the space that occurs when the brain rests, there is an opportunity for the wiser wisdom of the universe to make itself known to you.

That’s how Wild Wisdom was born – awake early one morning I heard the words ‘wise and cheeky wisdom’ going round and round in my head, and I just knew they would somehow be important to my life and business.

It happened again this morning too. This time the words were: ‘look at everything upside down and then watch for changes’.

Aha!

This means you often do not need to make changes yourself. Simply turn around how you are looking at a situation and any change that needs to happen will occur of its own volition.

Having been someone who liked to be in control, who prided herself on doing what needed to be done (both internally and externally), I was literally stopped in my tracks when I discovered in 1995 it was not going to be easy to have children.

True, I had married a man who had had a vasectomy many years previously. True, I was ambivalent about having children anyway. True, that meant I wasn’t clear about what I wanted.

But also true was the fact that my late husband did have a vasectomy reversal, which worked, but two months later the tests showed no evidence of sperm whatsoever. They weren’t just weak, or in small numbers – they simply did not exist.

It was a terrible shock – choosing not to have a child, and not actually being able to have one are two very different things.  After some time of working through the grief, I realized I was beginning to get fed up with ‘trying to make things happen’ – even if you are doing it the ‘manifesting’ or ‘law of attraction’ way.

It looked like the change that needed to happen was that I did everything artificially possible to have a child (and I did look into those options). Certainly this is the method that is promoted in the West, at least.

But what I actually changed was how I thought about the situation. With much supportive help from my therapist at the time, and the I Ching, I turned my thinking on it’s head.  I discovered an open door to a room that contained thoughts such as ‘maybe I’ve unconsciously chosen a man who can’t have children as a reflection of my own ambivalence’ , ‘perhaps there are benefits in having no children’, and ‘who am I to interfere with nature?’

The willingness to go against the grain, to look at childlessness the ‘wrong’ way round, to create some breathing space for new ideas and thoughts about having children was indeed magical. That was wild wisdom being present, and allowed me to come to terms with never being a member of the Mothers Club.

There have been many other times since when I’ve used this kind of back-to-front thinking fruitfully, so what current situation in your life could benefit from a different perspective?  Once you’ve identified this, experiment with how you could use the I-Ching, or apply your own form of Wild Wisdom, and watch to see what happens!

If you’d like some help in that regard, then email me direct to apply for one of my free, 45 minute, Wild Wisdom Discovery Sessions (worth £250) and together we will discover what wants to be heard, seen, expressed in your own situation so you can view it differently and move forward gracefully and with ease.