FOMO – the disease that creeps up on you unawares…

Anxiously fiddling with my ring, I looked at my watch.

‘What do you think they’re doing?’ I asked my friend.  We’d both been in a conference session and had left mid-way, having got a bit bored.

‘I don’t know. But I do know we are suffering from FOMO,’ she replied, with a giggle.

‘FOMO?  What’s that?’

‘Fear Of Missing Out!’ and she laughed. So did I. It’s so pervasive, this particular disease.

I’m sure you’ll know what I mean. How often have you sat through something thinking you ‘ought’ to be there, that it’ll ‘get better soon’, or that you just wish you were somewhere different?

IMG_0319Or maybe there’s several options open re a decision; or more than one invitation made to you.  The mind goes back and forth re what to do, if anything, and frets away at what you might be missing out on.

‘If you don’t do X then you’ll be behind everyone else’ it warns.

‘I can’t do everything, so how on earth do I know what will be best for me?’  What a dilemma!

‘I might miss the one crucial piece of information – the missing secret to life!   That would be so awful’.

And on and on it goes.  This is FOMO in action.

It can take different forms too, such as a tapping foot, an air of distraction, a nervous tummy.  All of them are symptoms that you have contracted FOMO and need to take an antidote, and quickly.

So what is the antidote, and where do you find it?

It’s called Triple A, and it’s always with you, though sometimes apparently in hiding.  There’s 3 parts to the Triple A antidote:

  1. Awareness (that you’ve got FOMO in the first place – this is essential)
  2. Acceptance (having been aware, you don’t try to push FOMO away, ignore it or even be judgmental – you simply notice it’s presence )
  3. Aaaaahhhhh (you breathe deeply, and have a little giggle at yourself)

Each of this pieces is crucial (and the giggle perhaps the most!)

Awareness, because without knowing you’ve caught the disease, there’s nothing you can do about it.

Acceptance, because anything other means you are still caught in the tentacles of FOMO, one of the components of which is self-critical thoughts.

And Aaaahhhh, because without the giggle and the conscious breath, you are in grave danger of a fourth ‘A’, which is …

Analysing it!

Spiritual seekers in particular beware of this – it’s so easy to get caught out at the acceptance part of the Triple A and move into Analysis without realizing it.  When in fact the only action at this stage is to apply the Aaaahhh, and STOP doing it!

Just stop.

Steer your mind away from what you think you will be missing out on, and simply trust that where you are, what you’re doing, how you’re feeling is perfectly fine, just as it is.

And this is the state that emerging from FOMO gives you – a chance to put into practice the choice to stay on the path of anxiety, worry and fear – or to switch directions and veer onto the path of giggles, self-love and freedom.

So watch out – FOMO comes in many disguises, it’s prevalent amongst society today, and it keeps you stuck!  Make sure you have plenty of the antidote handy for when an attack comes along.

Love Jane

PS I’m going to give you a chance to watch FOMO in action!  The Radical Income Welcome Toolkit is an amazing bag of tools to help you welcome more income into your life. Check it out here and see if you get FOMO or not. And if you do, apply the antidote, and then make a decision from a place of freedom as to whether or not you’re interested in getting the Toolkit. Yes, this IS a radical method of selling, but then that’s what Wild Wisdom is all about.

How exactly your body language affects your business.

 

First of all, thanks to everyone who signed up for my Wild Wealth Pilot Programme!  We have just started – if you missed it and want to join in you can, for just the next few days. Sign up here.

Now, what was I doing standing outside a seminar room this week, with my hands on my hips, breathing deeply?  I was practicing a new technique, before entering to practice a pitch to a roomful of entrepreneurial women in Inverness, with a new organization, Investing Women.

Bonnie Clarke of Badenoch and Clark was one of the speakers on the seminar and told us about my gift to you today – this inspiring video by Amy Cuddy. It’s a TED talk, 20 minutes to watch, and it will change your perception of yourself, change how you present yourself, and change your life – if you let it!

So even if you think you haven’t got 20 minutes to watch it right now – I dare you to take the time anyway, it will be worth it!  (And then you can practice how it feels to stand with your hands on your hips for 2 minutes and see what happens!)

Let me know what you think – leave your comments below.

5 ways your lack of self-worth impacts your business – are you doing any of these?

1. Believing your Limiting Thoughts

This is one that everyone does, sometimes more often than not.  It’s time to stop!  Don’t even bother to change them – just notice it’s happening, and then stop. Here’s an example of how to do just that.

Joy says, ‘Oh no, I’ll never be able to be as good as X over there’.  She’s telling a story called ‘Comparing myself with others’.  The thing is, it’s only a story, and a story is made up – made up by the mind which wants to keep you in your place. The comparing story is a very good way of doing that, because whether you are winning (ie better than your colleague) or losing (worse than your colleague) both are the opposite sides of the same coin.  So you’ll never get to the end of this particular story, as it just goes round and round.  So stop ‘reading’ that story!  Start another one, if you must, but this time make it a more positive one.  Better still, drop the stories completely and start dropping into who you really are beneath all the stories.  That’s the source of your own wild wisdom.

2. Running over time on your sessions

This can either be you being generous or valuing yourself too little, depending on where you are coming from. There’s a very fine line!  If you suspect you’re someone who runs over because you find holding boundaries difficult, then it’s your feelings of self-worth that are getting in the way. Practice holding boundaries in all kinds of situations and just notice what comes up to challenge you.  And expect to be challenged – when boundaries are newly set there will always be someone coming along to test them, so that you get the chance to hold the boundary and grow.  If you’re not being clear about boundaries, then you are doing a disservice to your clients and customers as well as yourself. It doesn’t mean they can’t be ignored sometimes – but then that is a conscious choice, not just something that ‘happened’.

3. Undercharging

Yes, this is a reflection of your self-worth too. Pay attention to all the justifications you have for charging whatever you do. They are just beliefs, can be changed or let go of, and you can start to earn more money while working less if you really get clear on this. Hint – charging what everyone else is charging is quite possibly another way of undercharging too, ‘cos how do you know if everyone else is valuing what they offer or not?   What used to amaze me when I was running my Clinic was how the hypnotherapists would be charging £60 an hour (this is back in the late 90’s) and the Alexander Technique teachers would be charging £25 an hour. Why? Who could say that one was more valuable than the other?  It’s up to you to decide  – and grow into a price that reflects the true value you give people.

4. Ignoring Your Money

This really is an action of disrespect – to yourself, your business and money itself.  And only someone who doesn’t value themselves very highly does disrespectful things. (OK, this is not about being perfect, just about doing the best you can!) If you’re ignoring either your expenses or your income, then stop that and start to get interested in what is coming in and going out, while feeling OK about it. You don’t need to feel good to start with,  just appreciate what you do have coming in, and appreciate that fact that you can pay what you can when it’s going out. Money is meant to flow remember, and your attention as to where it flows is a mark of respect for yourself and the money.  Plus as you monitor things more and more you’ll see in advance what needs to be done when, to take you where you are going, or to help you make the most of an opportunity. Very handy!

5. Tolerating anything!

What are you currently just tolerating in your life?  What are you just putting up with because you think it‘s necessary.  When I first asked myself this question it was really clear I was tolerating a slightly dirty house because I don’t like cleaning it myself and so I just didn’t do it!  Which meant I was tolerating more dust than I like, more bits on the carpet, more mess than works for me.  So I got someone to come and clean fortnightly, despite the thoughts of ‘not enough money, not OK to have someone to do this just for me, I have plenty of time to do it myself’ and so on.  And what happened was that on their first day, I realized that while they were cleaning, I was creating a programme that would ultimately be bringing in much more money than I would pay out on the cleaning. A lesson, or what!  But I had to value myself enough to make that move. So ask yourself where you are just being tolerant of a situation – it’s not that bad, but it’s not that good either, and see where you can increase your self-worth – and ultimately your bank balance.

Why Spiritual Seekers Are Still Doing Have-Do-Be, and How It Just Doesn’t Work!

‘I’ve just got to get some more clients!’

‘I wish things were a bit easier financially’

‘All I need is another hour in the day then everything would be better…’

Recognise any of these?  I’ve certainly thought them all in my time.

The actions as a result of these thoughts seem obvious, don’t they?

SAM_0577Do whatever you need to do to get more clients.

Advertising, fliers, blogging, FB messages, networking, setting up more sales conversations, offering a new programme or product – whatever is your favourite way.  Nothing wrong with this, and it’ll probably take care of that second sentence too, about money.

And while you might not be able to create more time in terms of the hours in the day, you can certainly employ some better time- management techniques and get another hour in your day that way.

There’s nothing at all wrong with these actions. Lots of them may very well work for you, or at least have done in the past.

But.  But, but, but.

Do you actually DO them, or do you just get overwhelmed with the thought of taking yet more of the same old actions to try to get yet more clients, more time or more money?

Which results in doing nothing, or doing it half-heartedly?

Are you even feeling a bit fed up with whatever kind of manifestation techniques you might be using? Or perhaps you’ve given up on those too?

If any of this resonates with you, then it’s no wonder you are a bit jaded and tired of it all 🙂

Here’s what’s really going on.  Even in a spiritual context, where actions can take on much more meaning and therefore become easier to do, you can still be operating out of the ‘have-do-be’ mentality.

Really?  Yes, really.

Let’s look at this in much more detail.

Continue reading

Do You Know the 3 Essential P Words for Your Success?

At first sight, these words almost universally do not appeal. You never hear anyone speak of them without either praising themselves (or another) or damning themselves (or another) for the same. What are the words?

Practice, persistence, patience.

All of them are needed when you are wanting to make a behavioural change, in whatever way. Continue reading