1. Let go of your need to be right.
In the ‘cult’ of which I was a part in my twenties, there were many good aspects. I lived and worked with these people, 24/7, and one of our phrases was ‘Get Off It!’
It meant ‘let go of what you are so sure you are right about!’ Literally, move off your position and stand somewhere else. And it is as simple as that – try it physically the next time you find yourself absolutely certain about something.
Stand on a towel or a piece of paper that represents what you are so sure about – and then move to another piece of paper that is a different position. In other words, ‘get off’ one and onto another. Notice what it feels like in your body. Notice what your heart has to say about it; and decide to choose to ‘get off it. You’ll love the freedom this process brings if you can really get off it!
Another of my favourite sayings is ‘Would I rather be happy or right?’ I have used this, and continue to do so, a lot in my life. Nearly always I have found the true answer to be ‘happy’ – enabling me to let go of whatever position I was occupying.
My late husband, sadly, admitted to me before he died that he had often chosen ‘right’ in a very indignant tone of voice. Needless to say, it didn’t bring him what he really wanted, which was connection, peace and tranquility.
Write this statement on your wall where you will see it, and ask the question next time you want to free yourself from a situation in which you feel stuck.
2. Let go of your limiting words, thoughts and beliefs – and let go of how you say them too.
Two parts here – first of all the content of what you say, and secondly the way you say it.
Here’s an example:
Choose a time when you notice yourself saying something like ‘What an idiot I am!’ First of all, that is not a kind thing to say to yourself. No-one is ever an idiot; if you have to use this kind of phrase, then say it differently as in ‘that was an idiotic thing to do’. This is more the truth of the situation – it’s always the behaviour, not you, that is idiotic.
Next, notice how you say it. Is the energy with which you say this sentence loving, or judgemental? Is it critical, or affectionate? The feeling that accompanies your words, thoughts and beliefs is crucial, as this is what determines the outcome.
Usually this particular sentence is accompanied with irritable, critical feelings. These are what needs to be released. It’s much harder to say this sentence in the spirit of love!
3. Let go of being someone other than who you are.
In the self-help world, it’s a bit weird that you are encouraged to change yourself at the same time as accepting who you are. One appears to cancel out the other, doesn’t it?
Well, let’s just look at this idea a bit more closely. No change can occur unless you start from where you are, which means accepting what is happening right now.
In business, this can mean having the courage to face up to the figures that show a picture you would rather not admit to. Or it might mean accepting you need to let some of your staff go if the business is to survive; or that you yourself need support to get to where you want to go.
When you can admit where you are, you have already taken the first step in being who you are.
The second step comes with noticing any need you have to think of yourself as ‘less than’ or ‘more than’ (which are just two sides of the same coin). Both of these are outer manifestations of an inner turmoil which says ‘I am not OK the way I am’. Trust me, I am an expert in this one!
The way through is to allow yourself to have opinions; to be willing to express them; to value your own thoughts and feelings; to stand up to others who might appear stronger than you. And to be compassionate towards yourself in the journey of being who you are.
These last couple of years I began to allow out of my mouth what I really thought, in all sorts of different situations. I just didn’t care any more what others thought of what I said. Funnily enough, nearly everyone has, in fact, appreciated hugely what has been expressed. My clients, my colleagues and my friends have all benefited as a result. And so will you if you dare to be who you are, instead of living your life as you think others want you to be.
If you’re not sure what resolution you want to focus on in 2013, use one of these pointers and watch your life transform.
*Note: Next week you can read about what to take up in 2013…