It didn’t happen.
What DID happen was that I worried – worried about how I was going to use it, worried about what people would think of me if they knew I had it; and worried I would spend it all fast (and find myself back with feeling comfortable with just enough).
Then when it had all disappeared (another story), I found I was still worrying – this time worrying about not having enough; what people would think of me if they knew I was receiving working tax credit; and that I was hopeless with money because I hadn’t taken care of the large sum properly.
It was through these two experiences that I began to embody what I had always known intellectually – that your sense of safety and security does not come from money. It LOOKS like it does. But that’s all. It was quite clear to me from these two scenarios that although I had expected my sense of safety and peace of mind to increase with the amount of money in my bank account, it hadn’t. I just changed what I was worrying about! Mad, isn’t it?
What is quite obvious is that for a true sense of safety, security and peace of mind, the balance in your bank account needs to be matched by a balance in other areas of your life. Instead of having plenty of money in the bank account and nothing in your love account, you need to have some deposits in both. What’s more, you need to have deposits in other accounts too – your energy account, your connection to the Divine account, your health account, to name a few. Good solid investment in all these accounts is essential for a true sense of security in the world.
If you identify with this, here’s a little exercise. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being full to the brim, allow your heart to let you know where you fall on that scale in terms of the level of deposits your currently have in these various accounts:
• What level of deposit do you have in your friends and family account? Do you have people there for you in times of need?
• What level of deposit do you have in your faith account? Do you top it up regularly, or is it being drained?
• What level of deposit do you have in your health and physical energy account?
• What level of deposit do you have in your colleagues/professional relationships account? Do you have plenty of support for your work? Or are you in overdraft on this one?
• What level of deposit do you have in your financial accounts? Are you always in the red, or borrowing from one account to pay out from another?
• What level of deposit do you have in your self-esteem and confidence account? How often do you pay into this account?
• What level of deposit do you have in your strength and courage account? Is it full, so you can easily draw on it in challenging times?
When you have your answers, just take a look at what they tell you. Ideally, your levels will be up in the 8-9-10 range. If they’re not, ask yourself what can you do to make more deposits into that account.
For example, if you score low on your professional support account, it will be important to join a networking group, a MasterMind group or reach out to a coach or other colleagues in this way. The contacts, emotional and practical support that can be had from this will keep your account full, so you can draw on it whenever needed.
Likewise, if you score low on your physical energy account, take steps to increase those deposits on a regular basis. Reduce your sugar intake; increase the amount you walk everyday; sign up to a yoga class.
The most important thing with all these accounts, including the financial ones, is not the amount that is put in, but the regularity with which you deposit. Little by little it will build up – and when you draw on the account, yes, the balance will go down , but if you’ve set up the systems to continually make deposits, then that balance will go up again over time. Take time each month to just check on the levels in your various accounts, and tune in to how safe and secure you feel. Or alternatively, when you feel scared, unsafe, insecure – look at the accounts and discover where you need to top up to return to safety.